My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
