shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize