while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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