Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
