thus making me awesome and them whores
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
