$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my being single is dangerous.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
