he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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