we have pet lesbian snakes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
