we made out on top of his cat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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