I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
