how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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