i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
