You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
