After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
