Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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