If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
