it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
