So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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