Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
