it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
