i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
