How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
