I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
