Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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