Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
