Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
