My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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