atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize