Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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