I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
