I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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