Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your cock deserves a montage
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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