2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
