Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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