I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
