Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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