five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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