we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
