I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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