i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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