She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
