Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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