Will you blow on my dice?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
