I think my vagina is haunted
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
