We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize