Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
