there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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