I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
