UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
