Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
