i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
