when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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