cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
