my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize