A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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