If i come over, it means nothing
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
