You just made me feel so damn special
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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