Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
