dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Rumble strips road head = magical
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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