There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
