Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
