I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
