I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
