i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
