He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize