Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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