Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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