Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
