i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
