So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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