she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
