No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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