Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
