Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
