It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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