Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
