I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
