So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do herpes really smell.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize