I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
