Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
