The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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