im having a threesome with these popsicles
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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