Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
