apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
