oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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