Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
