i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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