I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize