We need to start having sex underwater more often.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize