Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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