pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
