During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
