I hate your face
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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