his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
