so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
