my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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