Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
