Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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