I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
