u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
