This girl is more easily done than said...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
