Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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