i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Randomize
