When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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