so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pooping to opera.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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