we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
