Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
