but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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