I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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