sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
