All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
