This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
