it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
