Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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