smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
