Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
