I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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