the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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