so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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