It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
