So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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