Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
