doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
