I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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